Chapter Four

Learning true forgiveness is an incredible gift of living with joy! Forgiveness releases us from bondage, and gives us new energy for life. Unforgiveness is a stranglehold that saps joy and life from us. We need to forgive those who have offended us and we need to ask for forgiveness for the wrongs we have done. The big issues in our lives often are resolved by practicing what my husband calls spiritual breathing: the art of forgiveness. Often very difficult, but worth the effort! There is a resulting freedom that opens the door for the fun that Debi shares in this chapter.

Consider your "issues", and see if the need for forgiveness is at the root of the problem.

Chapter Three

"The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish pulls it down with her hands." Proverbs 14:1. I am pretty sure that most of us pull down with our attitudes, which influence our behavior!! We are challenged here to drop the attitudes and put on a thankful heart. For some of us, we are naturally thankful, appreciative ladies, but some of us seriously struggle with self pity and seeing the proverbial glass of water half full(that would be me). While studying this, I realized that even when the glass is half full, I can fill the rest with joy, through the Lord. It totally changes my "reality" from bad to happy. Recognizing this tendency, I have used Philippians chapter four as a means of renewing my mind for many years, with a strong emphasis on verse eight and the words "good report". I encourage you to find scriptures that speak to your heart about joy and thanksgiving, and let the the poor-me, why-me attitudes fade away.

The bottom line in this chapter's questions is, "are you willing to lay down your grievances toward your husband to achieve a heavenly marriage?" How can you do that?

Chapter Two

Smiles. Routine smiles, fake smiles, sad smiles, happy smiles, gleeful smiles. What kind of smiles are we showing people? Especially our husbands? Are we even smiling?

As the first born of four children, with an unsmiling mother, and an "in charge" personality, I am prone to wear a policeman face rather than a smiling face. But I have learned the power of a smile through the years. Smiling at toddlers while they play sends a wash of warmth over them that you can often visibly see. Smiling at tired clerks in stores cheers them up. So smiling at the one we love seems like a no-brainer.

But we are often caught up in petty wrongs and bad attitudes, superior attitudes and flat out anger towards the one we love. We are challenged in this chapter to engage in the beauty and power of smiling. It is hard to smile and keep a bad attitude! The joy of the Lord is our strength and by deciding to reside in joy and thanksgiving we can change our attitude towards our mate, the one we were created to serve!

We all know sad single moms who had "bad" husbands. But the bottom line; to be divorced and alone is a huge leap from married with problems. Years ago I had had it with my husband, we had the nine older kids at home and he was no help I thought. I was frustrated with the budget, working part time, the noise and activity level of healthy busy kids, lack of sleep from babies, on and on. I am an anticipater (also known as a control freak), so I wrote a list of all my grievances in our current situation. I then wrote a list of all my expected relief without him. I realized to my surprise that my grievances would intensify! I put the list away to think about it, but my eyes were open!!! It was better to stick it out than to leave. It has been hard at times, but it has also been wonderful as God has given us breakthroughs. I praise God for that list and the miracle of understanding it. I think Debi is showing us through her letter to Beth that our society's tendency to divorce over righteous issues is definitely questionable.

What do you think?

Chapter One

In the beginning...most of us are familiar with the creation account in Genesis, chapters one and two. When you read the account of God creating the animals and Adam, how were they created? How was Eve created? I can almost sense that woman was an afterthought, but I am sure God had planned for us all along. We were created in a different way and for a very specific purpose; to be a help meet for man. A humbling thought in our self important based society. That we were created for man is the basis of this entire study. One we will explore as married, single, divorced and widowed women together, hoping to implement more of God's plan in our lives.

After reading the first chapter what are your thoughts about being created for the unique purpose of being a help meet?

How do you feel about her statement, "It is far better that the job be done poorly by your husband than to be done well by you."?

Let's Get Started

I know there is a temptation to grab a book and start reading, but I want to encourage you to take time to read all the little extras. This book has acknowledgements and an introduction by the author's husband. What a great endorsement of her! She is going to lead us through the scriptures on how to be a blessing as a wife and her husband believes she is a great wife. Because most of us have already discovered we don't always see things the same way men do, I think this is a very important point. When we question what she is saying, let's remember it is working for her!!! There is also an introduction from Debi, giving you a some insight to where she has come from.

From her husband, Mike's introduction,I picked up on the fact that we are going to be looking at the scriptures seriously and may find some of this controversial. I hope you can commit to taking the time to really take an honest look at how it applies to you. I find it easy to read and not apply what I am reading to myself (I'm sure someone else needs to adjust something). Doing this study together is about helping each other see our blind spots and growing.

Debi's introduction starts with,"Once upon a time". I immediately thought about how I would have loved to have written about my life as a fairy tale. I also realized that it would have centered around everything I wanted, making me the happy princess. But being truly happy and at peace is not getting everything we want, but doing what Jesus wants us to do, because His joy and peace are so much more than we can plan for ourselves. Her last comment states that as her mother taught her, she will teach us. Our mother's have taught us all, some wonderful truths of scripture and some not so good things have been passed along. Things based on fear and insecurity. Ideas taught in universities and from current philosophers having nothing to do with the truths of God. We will battle with the things we have learned and some of the new perceptions of truth we will be reading. But I believe we will all win as we journey together.

Join the Journey!

My daughter gave me a book for my birthday last year, and I added it to the stack next to my bed. It worked its way down the pile, buried under the endless books I want to read, need to read and gifts to read.

As I packed for our vacation to Yosemite and other California destinations this summer I quickly scanned the pile for one to take, in hopes of some free time. I decided on Melody’s gift, “Created to be His Help Meet”, by Debi Pearl. Having gone to many Christian marriage seminars and having read a lot of books, I thought it would be a great review of being a good wife. I also attended a class, about two years after committing to the Christian lifestyle, specifically designed to share the scriptures regarding the role of a Christian wife.

Those same scriptures are explored in this book, but it is amazing to me how differently I see them now after 36 years of marriage, 13 children, 17 grandchildren, and 14 years of being a pastor’s wife!

I did get some free time at Yosemite. I had a melt down with our camping arrangements and all the bear warnings at Yosemite. (Being raised in a big city, bears are definitely on my do-not-like list) I asked to take a nap while Chris and the two boys rented bikes and went exploring. I laid and stared at the tent for a while, then grabbed the book out of my bag and read all afternoon!

I realized that I probably had not adequately taught these truths to my six daughters or the ladies at our church. I would use them in counseling and in answering questions, but maybe we should explore them together and gain strength in our roles as wives and women

Sunday afternoons Chris and I have a leadership group lunch and study time. Current happenings at the church are discussed, plans made, and topics discussed. Sometimes we separate, men and ladies, and other times we stay together. I asked Chris if I could pursue this with the ladies in the group, separate from the men for several months. He agreed and decided to lead the men in his group on the “Love Dare, from the movie “Fireproof”. Then I thought about my four daughters, and one daughter-law, who are not close by. I really wanted to study this with them too. Then I started thinking about other women in the church, surely they would be interested. I then remembered my granddaughter in college and other friends who lived elsewhere. So I said I would set this up as a blog where we can all read together, and share our discoveries with each other. Of course, I know nothing about blogs. I have read my daughters occasionally, but there it ends!

So you are invited to join us on this journey. What does it mean to please God in our role as women? How are we doing? How can we help each other grow into the women God has planned for us to be in this culture that teaches womens rights on all fronts?

My goal is that we will move closer to the kingdom of God, and His plan for each of us as we read and study together.